Cindy Griffith, Psychic
315-685-8395 or 877-511-3510 ~ 9am to 9pm Eastern Standard
Renovations & Relationships
by Cindy Griffith
We just finished 3+ months of renovations on our home. At our “Renovations are finally done” open house, I heard a number of times… “and your still married!” I don’t think anyone understands the stress that tearing your house apart causes unless you have been through it. Not only is it the constant decisions, constant noise and dust but its the fact that things just aren’t normal!
All these factors can create enough stress on yourself, let alone stress on even the healthiest of relationships. I started to think how the stresses caused by house renovations are not far from the stress our personal renovations can cause! How many times have we seen relationships fall apart when one or both of the partners have gone through major changes?
I have come up with some ways that I think might help us to keep our partners through personal renovations.
1. Communication, communication, communication…. Then just shut up for a while…
I know that during the renovation, the house was all I could think and talk about. Once in a while Dave would just let me know that we needed to talk about something else. As hard as it was for me… I would try to talk about something else, any thing else. Sometimes we just talked about the weather or a TV program we had seen.
What I mean is this. Yes, we feel the need to talk about our evolution and growth. We want to share what we are experiencing, our ideas for our future, what we are afraid of, excited about and all of it. But after a while, your partner is probably sick of hearing you talk about you. No matter how much someone loves you, it can’t be all about you. Remember to ask how their day went. What their hopes are for the future. You might even ask how they like or don’t like how you’re changing (if you have done the talking about something else part for a while). Get ready to listen, though. What you think is great about the new you might not have been part of their agreement. They just might not like it all or might have a better idea for you.
2. That leads me to the next challenge we faced in our renovation. Big surprise, we didn’t always agree on what was best.
This was sometimes quite a challenge. Our contractor got used to us saying, “He won or she won” Sometimes it was easy. If it had to do with things Dave understood like structural things… He won. If it had to do with color. I won. But it wasn’t always that cut and dry. Sometimes we both had to express what we thought and then just leave it alone for a while. Usually we came to agree and sometimes we went with who felt the most strongly about it.
When we are going through changes in our personality and our spiritual life, we often think that our truth is the only truth. After being who everyone else wants us to be, we don’t want to listen to someone else tell us anything about who we should be. That leads to one sided and often unbalanced change. I remember years ago, a boyfriend pointed out to me that my teacher wasn’t really walking her talk. I felt that he couldn’t be seeing clearer than I was. I was the spiritual one in the relationship (that should of keyed me in right there that I wasn’t seeing clearly) anyway, I learned he was right after all and that the fact that he wasn’t involved so closely gave him a perspective that I didn’t have. He was right and it was a tough lesson for me. Now I welcome (or try to welcome) constructive criticism and try to listen. So, don’t assume that your partner is just fearful of the change you are going through. Truly listen first before you throw out what they are seeing.
3. Finally I found that I didn’t realize how stressful it was to have my sacred space, my reading room, disturbed.
It became the makeshift kitchen during our renovations and I didn’t know how out of balance that made me until I had dusted off all 1500 books and put my altars back together. I wasn’t aware how my lack of familiar space had moved me off my center. I think back at those 3 months and I realize that I was not the best person all the time. I am lucky to have a patient husband, and I am grateful.
We experience the same lack of center and balance when we are going through major changes in our self and in our life. Often we throw more than just our personal life into turmoil; we often change jobs, friends and beliefs. If we could honor that we are off center and be aware that our coping skills might be challenged, we could better see how our “off centeredness” is affecting all those around us. If we vibrate “out of wack” it will create the same vibration throughout our home life.
So when we are going through changes, it is a great idea to see how and who we are affecting and make a conscious effort to center ourselves and be aware of our affect on others. If we are angry at how we let our life get off track and experience our mate angry at us… maybe we need to look at how much of that is our vibratory junk and how much is theirs. It doesn’t mean our mates can do no wrong, but often we are feeling that it can’t be us. We are so spiritual! Let’s take a moment to laugh at our self and be real.
It’s hard enough to get along with others when life is relatively normal, but even harder when we are in “personal renovation”. So take a breath, communicate, listen, don’t judge and hopefully you and your mate can get through this together. A renovation can be stressful while going through it, yet wonderful once it is done….. that is until the next stage!
Cindy is a psychic in Skaneateles, NY who is now tweeting under the name of Tarotheals. You can visit her web site www.PsychicSupport.com to read her daily Tarot Numerology tweets, find out where she is reading and teaching as well as read other articles she has written!
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