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By Cindy Griffith

"HE THAT IS WITHOUT SIN AMONG YOU, LET HIM FIRST CAST A STONE AT HER." (John 8:7)

“I have never cut someone off in traffic.” “I have never mistakenly said something to hurt someone else’s feelings.” “I have never worn an outfit that didn’t look good on me.” “I have never ran a stop sign in a parking lot”…Yeah right! And I can spell without spell check!

Most of us recognize the Casting Stones quote from the bible; Jesus is teaching a crowd when the scribes and Pharisees brought him a woman who was accused of adultery. Moses’ law was to stone such a woman, so they asked him what to do. He replied “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. “ If we could be so forgiving of others and our own mistakes, it would be a much nicer world.

I try to avoid Stoning by looking to see if I have ever done anything dumb, stupid or inconsiderate. That gets me seeing the silliness of getting upset, angry or judgmental about some else doing something dumb, stupid or inconsiderate. I use this particularly in parking lots. When someone cuts me off, I try to remember a time when, not on purpose but because of a lack of mindfulness, I ran through a stop sign or cut someone off. So what right do I have to get upset when someone does it to me? And if I haven’t done the exact same thing, I have probably done something similar. We all have moments of poor mindfulness. We are human and so is the person who just cut me off! We also need to stop judging our self. Do you think you are the only person that makes mistakes? Enough said.

Okay, so what about “DON'T JUDGE A MAN UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A MILE IN HIS BOOTS”. This is one of the 101 most frequently used American proverbs, according to lexicographer Harris Collis. It is so easy to judge a person when you don’t know their circumstances. Speaking of shoes, a while ago I went to lunch at Cam’s, our local diner with Dave and I looked down and I was still wearing my slippers! OMG! Thank goodness, my slippers look like moccasins, but I was embarrassed none the less. I don’t make a habit of wearing slippers out to lunch, but I had a momentary lack of mindfulness and there I was. Now, someone might of looked at my feet and thought, “what kind of person wears their slippers out to a restaurant?” and judged me as a person who doesn’t care what others think, I am lazy or don’t know the difference between lounge wear and shoe wear. But really, I was just a person being momentarily mindless, I was busy working and then we quickly ran off to lunch so I could get a bite and get back to work. I am not a lazy, uncaring or stupid person. They would have judged me incorrectly.

What gets us in trouble is making judgments. We all need to discern. We need to know if someone is trustworthy or if a situation is safe for us. We need to have a way to look at a situation and draw a conclusion about how that situation works or doesn’t work for us. But what we tend to do is decide if something is good or bad depending on how we are affected by it.
“Good” and “bad” are judgments. Seeing “what is” is discernment. How do we do that with out making a judgment? We look to experience something as it is, and we say “this is X” and leave it at that. But it is hard for us. We want to say, “This is X. I like X, so it is good.” How often does the whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s leave us feeling good? Just because something makes us happy doesn’t mean it is good. Same as things that make us sad or mad aren’t always bad. Challenge is often our greatest teacher.

A wonderful story about discernment vs. judgment is the Monk looking out the window. He sees a bright, sunny warm day and says “It is going to be a beautiful Day”. The next morning he goes to the same window and looks out. He sees that it is rainy and cold. He says “This is going to be a beautiful day!” This is not to say that he doesn’t wear his rain garb, but he doesn’t judge the weather. He definitely doesn’t judge the weather as a determiner of his day! The rain is necessary for the plants to grow. The cranky people and rough situations are necessary for us to grow!

Think about if you were to go to a High School reunion. Would you want people to judge you based on who you were back then? Boy, I hope not. I am not the same child, I have grown. Judgment does the same thing. When we judge, we are using past experience to determine how the future will turn out. We limit others and our self when we judge.

When we can release judgment, we can see any situation more clearly and then know how we need to react. Using discernment allows us to see what is actually happening without limiting life to past experience. We are in the present moment when we discern.

It is okay to discern that someone’s energy is toxic to you. Discernment asks you to not judge them good or bad. They are who they are. They are here for a reason. Your discernment tells you if you need to stay away. Discernment means that you have tolerance for people and situations along with the wisdom to react in a way that respects your needs.

The Sun is the Sun. We know it isn’t bad or good. We would die without it, but also could die from it if we don’t use our sun screen. Just because we act accordingly to our needs doesn’t mean that we have decided that the Sun is bad. This is how we use discernment instead of judgment.

You may find that the obnoxious waitress is teaching you compassion or the long line at the bank is teaching you patience. What we perceive to be detours in our life are often rerouting us to get back on track.

Try to note when life is happening around you and see what lessons and opportunities are being presented. Seeing others as actors playing a role for us to learn from can often take away the emotional connection that blinds us. Learning to let go of our emotional and mental judgments about a person or event allows us to look beyond the situation to the opportunity for growth.

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